"A Watched Pot Never Boils"
9am..."Alright time to check my email", she thinks. The ads roll in... Searches for that one name... Heart beats faster and faster... Nothing.
9:15... "Maybe now", she humors herself. *phone vibrates... Quick catch of breath... Just another Amazon ad... Time to make coffee.
9:25... Coffee is done; takes a sip and a deep breath... With a friendly caffeine jolt... "This is it", she delusions forward. Picks up phone, heart now awake and pounding... Nothing. *visualizes herself throwing phone against wall*... takes another sip of coffee
The hours drag on until about 4pm where she thinks, "here's to tomorrow”.
I could write the most boring book in the world that covers the last month of my life in this narrative. Of course it would maybe be a bit more interesting as I attempt to tell amusing stories of the moments in between checking emails where I, you know, work, do homework, write music...
Being a person who prides herself on grabbing the bull by the horns and achieving the goals set out before me, waiting for someone else to give you a chance is infuriating. I think to myself, "gosh I hate something so important to me being in someone else's hands". This reveals how much I think things are always in my control.
In this experience I am learning that some goals aren't only up to you to accomplish. In fact many require a series of people who want to help, encourage, and cooperate. Sometimes that doesn't happen and that doesn't mean you failed, it means life isn't based off of your fantasies and it's probably better that way. When I really think about my experiences in life so far, I realize that my daydreams keep me excited, but hindsight is what is truly beautiful. Hindsight is what teaches me to persevere, that the real life outcome is always different and full of actual tangible memories and emotions that really taught me something. I'm looking forward to this experience being hindsight.
Brb gotta check my email.